It’s curious what memories emerge when you’re least expecting. How they hijack your mind and you’re sent off to the tiniest moments, seconds in your life. Moments that didn’t seem that particular at the time. Moments that you didn’t even remember existed until some small shift in the wind, the light, the air takes you back.
Takes you back to a strange house and sleeping head to head, hand in hand on the sofa. To an already sleeping hostel room where we climbed up to the top beds almost opposite to each other, when I just couldn’t close my eyes because yours were staring into mine from across the room, and in that moment something changed. To walking on an almost deserted island somewhere between Malaysia and Thailand and looking at the stars descending towards the earth. They were so close I felt I could touch them, and my heart broke a little when I wasn’t able to share that with you. To sitting in a car, hand in hand, quietly driving through the desert that fell into the raging ocean beneath.
To you crawling into my bed sometime when the sun already had lifted its head. Feeling your tired body cling to mine, your heart bleeds a little and seeks comfort. Taking you into my arms even when I’m blissfully asleep. To the room door being slowly slid open after the last bar closed. You putting your DJ set somewhere close to the door and burying me against your chest in the tropical night.
To walking to the balcony, quietly watching the raging thunderstorm somewhere throw bolts of lightning into the dark night. Gently, quietly, getting to know each other on the edge of a storm. To letting the dog out on an early morning and feeling the fresh dew drops against my bare feet. To swimming eyes closed and hearing the raindrops dance on the surface of the pool. To waking up with the sun and watching it rise on the purple beach.
To the time when we were meeting up for dinner as usual and I saw you across the parking lot. When time stopped and we both knew that nothing had changed and I knew you’d always be there. To the late night in a friend’s house when we were cooking and sneaking in kisses when we thought no one was watching. To you brewing coffee to me before I even had opened my eyes, bringing a warm cup into bed, helping me wake up to yet another goodbye.
To all the tiny moments, seconds, emotions, senses. These wonderful moments that I have lived through and still carry within me. These moments that appear out of nowhere and shake you to the ground, fiercely reminding you of the beauty of life. Fiercely reminding you of the magic of moments, the magic of togetherness. The small things, ordinary, loving moments that create the ocean that is my life. The wildly strong, deep, raging, soothing, mesmerizing ocean that is my heart, soul, spirit.