Today I woke up to a message that raised tears in my eyes and took me back in time. To a message which I would have given anything for some time ago. To a message that made me cry and love myself and the amazingly strong being that I am. To a message that reminded me of what a powerful force love is.
Today I have not been remembering the past, I have been remembering a life that could have been. I have been remembering our house leaning into the woods and reaching out to the sea, our garden, mango trees, our open home, our children, I have been remembering being together. I have been remembering a life which we never got, a love that never got the space it deserved. In a perfect world as flawless beings, we would not have acted from our cuts, pains and insecurities. We would not have been mirroring our faults to each other but loved ourselves whole. We would have given love space.
Space to the love that still lives on, but which humanity suffocated. Sometimes I forget that I live here as a human and with humans. Often, I forget that we are not all ready or open. Sometimes I forget that humanity stands in the way of a greater purpose and maybe this is how it is supposed to be; we are here walking the path that is ours to walk. But, sometimes I see how humanity does not allow love and gives fear the power. To fear that eats away what could have been, what maybe should have been. What was written in the stars and agreed upon beforehand. Sometimes humans forget and so our lives are being shaped again.
Today I have been remembering what could have been, felt you closer by my side than in years. Even though I know that our souls are connected every day even when we live in two different worlds, when we live two completely different human lives. Today I have also wondered about what is, wondered what kind of path I would have walked if we had been brave enough to give love space. I do not have answers, no guarantees, not much of anything. But I do have this moment and this moment is all I need.
Even though I broke down, even though I for a moment lost myself, I still found my own path. I found myself, I found the universe, I found love. I still cry, but within me lives a vast, immense, never-ending love. A love that allows, that dares. A love that selflessly loves everything that already has been and everything that is in this moment. I have remembered what could have been and thanked for what was, what is. Like two parts of me would have come together, as I finally was able to let go of the past and let the present be as it is. Let myself be as I am, with the sadness in my soul.
Being shattered taught me a lot. Above all, it taught me that even things that are written in the stars can fall apart. But, the universe is constantly threading our lives forward. Threading us closer to love, so that one day we can let go of our shattered pieces and step into pure love.
Wherever you are, whatever you do, I wish that you know that you have been the best mirror I could have got, you pushed me toward a life I could never have imagined having. You, my great love, please remember that my love is eternal and floats between us forever. I wish you only the best in this human life. Someday we will meet again, at home, and we can freely dive into the love that we are and where we come from.
With love from love,